This Week

So I am having kind of a frustrating week. Not a bad week persay, but a frustrating one. I keep getting hit with realization after realization and it is kind of overwhelming!

I just so damn hard on myself! Realistically I have made momentous changes in my life in the past year but it doesn't seem like enough. I have a clear (but general) vision of where I want to go, what i want to do, and the type of person I want to be. The problem is, I want it now! In the past everything been very easy for me. I have accomplished great things with out too much effort on my part. In hindsight, i think it was because the skills I have that made me a success in my life and chosen field are skills that have been cultivated over many years.

Now I am making changes. The new skills/ideas/vision I have (or am acquiring) are not cultivated. That's why I have fear and doubt, not because my vision is stupid or a rip off, but because I haven't allowed myself to grow into it yet. I need to slow down, be the ocean and flow. I have to accept that I am not going to "make my mark" at 30. In terms of numerology, I am in a personal 1 year (and a pinnacle change year). I am planting seeds, they need time to grow.

I need to give myself more time and patience. If I give myself that, I think what seems difficult now will soon feel easy, just like everything else i have done in the past. AND if it doesn't seem to become easier, then I still know I'm on the right path because nothing worth doing should be easy. Being the absolute best me shouldn't be something i can grow into in a year... patience grasshopper. Your time will come. To think it won't goes against everything you know in your heart....