Dream Big

"If there were a time to dare, to make a difference, to embark on something worth doing, it is now. Not for any grand cause necessarily- but for something that tugs at your heart, something that is your aspiration, something that is your dream. You owe it to yourself to make your days here count. Have fun. Dig deep. Stretch. Dream big. Know though, those things worth doing seldom come easy. There will be good days and there will be bad days. There will be days when you want to turns around, pack it up, and call it quits. Those times tell you that you are pushing yourself and that you are not afraid to learn by trying. Persist. Because with an idea, determination, and the right tools, you can do great things. Let your instincts, your intellect, and your heart guide you. Trust. Believe in the incredible power of the human mind, of doing something that makes a difference, of working hard, of laughing and hopes, of lazy afternoons, of lasting friends, of all the things that will cross your path this year. The start of something new brings the hope of something great. Anything is possible. There is only one you, and you will pass this way only once. Do it right." - Unknown (by my anyway!)

I have more to say but gotta get to work. later i guess!

So i wanted to post something from the last chakra series. For week 3 we had "homework" where we had to create a name thing. Basically a folded piece of paper that we decorate however we want with out name and on the inside we write stuff about ourselves. Then, last week (Wednesday) web brought the tag to the meetup and all the the other people there wrote stuff about us on the outside. It's great because we have been meeting for about 7 months and we are all really starting to bond and get to know each other. Anyway, I wanted to share what people said about me! I def sense a theme...

- sweet, funny, approachable and open
- free spirited, funny, makes others laugh
- you make me laugh
- you are so sweet and open
- you are always smiling! =)
- Creative Girl! You've got such a zest for life!
- Bubbly, smart, aware to all, over flowing with ideas
- I love your crazy vibe!
- You are incredibly giving - You make it possible for me to be here!
- Your energy is infectious
- Fun Exciting interesting lovable Friend!
- You are hilarious and fun to talk to. I love all your surprises

So yeah, sweet huh? I love that all these lovely ladies think I'm funny. Not in a ego way tho. I truly believe laughter is the spice of life and I am honored that i can effect people in this way! Yay me!

can't always show my love!

So I asked my coworker send me some power point slides and he did. I was grateful and started to reply to his e-mail. I wanted to say "Thank you love, have a great day" but i realized it would be completely inappropriate to call my coworker love... guess i gotta save it for my friends...

Zumba Update 2.0

So I was looking over my older posts and I realized I need to update my Zumba status. I am no longer teaching Zumba, at least for the summer. I really liked it but it wasn't allowing me to express myself in the way I wanted to. Teaching again was amazing tho and I plan to be back into it via a different medium soon. Probably by the 1st of the year. I may pick up Zumba again in the fall but with all the stuff I am trying to be involved with (chakra series, reiki practicum, Nia classes, photography, reading the 20 million books I have bought off of Amazon in the past 3 months, choreographing the Music Man for 12th night, AND trying to maintain a social life) I had to cut something out and Zumba is what had to go. I felt (and do still feel) a little bad because me students seem genuinely disappointed and I felt like I was letting them down a bit but I just decided that I had to do what I felt was best for me and ultimately not what my students wanted.

Feelin' Groovy

So my last blog was about how last week was a frustrating week. Surprise, surprise, feeling pretty awesome about everything this week. In fact, I def need to move foward with my "This to shall pass" tattoo I've been contemplating. Every down I have seems to lead to an amazing realization about my life/future/purpose and every realization is inevitably followed by another obstacle that will also inevitably lead to something else great.

I had a great weekend filled with music, photography and friends and I found some clarity when I least expected it! I don't know if I have mention this but I am in the middle of a 7 week chakra series. Last Wednesday we worked on the 3rd chakra (one that for me may be slightly over active) and all week I have been overly aware of people egos. Actually, I saw mine creep in and I didn't like it... old patterns, at least I was aware this time.

It all happened Saturday, I did my volunteering with the elderly in the morning and after I went to get a tripod. My plan was to get on one of the argosy ferries with my head phones on and camera in tow and get some amazing shots of the city on a beautiful summer day. While i was driving home I was listening to music and out of no where I came up with an amazing concept for a dance (Nia) class. It's all about music.

Before I go further I should explain why this is significant. So a few weeks ago I came up with this concept I am calling (for now) "Dancing through the Divine". It is a blend of sitting meditation, music, and dance as a means to help people conceive of their highest creative potential. Basically a means by which students can be "possessed by" the creative force while still being aware. This makes them the witness and the experiencer at the same time. Pretty cool. Anyway, I know this is a great idea but I had spent the last week struggling with doubt and could think of a means to implement it and get people to come. I finally decided that I need to do a slow methodical approach to it and start by teaching Nia instead of just jumping right away into my old thing... It was something I basically knew I was going to do before I even took a Nia class but I wasn't sure how or when it would materialize. Anyway, I realized that I can use Nia as a 1st step to my concept and I spent the day making playlists for my Nia classes which I am not even certified to teach! Crazy. My classes are going to be ALL ABOUT THE MUSIC. I am going to try something a little different. It's starts with each class having a theme (Love, Joy, Creativity, Fear, Sexiness, Death, The Fool (archetype), ect). So obviously the music will center around theme BUT, in this case, the music actually created the theme! I'm not sure what I mean by that other than to say that music has played a HUGE roll in my transformation over the past year. I wouldn't say that I am clairaudient but I definitely hear "messages/validations/answers" in song lyrics. This weekend I realized that this music needs to be integrated into my class. It is somewhat of a bold step I think tho because a lot of it isn't your typical dance music (well, it is for me!). I guess a lot of it falls in the indie rock category. It really is music that moves me tho, mentally and physically. It's prob not going to appeal to everyone, and that's ok, but I think that those are on my wavelength (whatever that means) will def love it... i think... Anyway, the point of this story is that I didn't do on the argosy tour instead I went to the water (fremont canal) with my headphones, a notebook, and my dog and when i walked back I was overcome with a new sense of confidence in where I am headed... in short, i think my 3rd chakra was a little brighter....which for me was prob a bad thing :)

So after that I went my friends for a BBQ and starting drinking some yummy wine and having fun. Having a little dance party in the back yard, ect then at about 8, I headed over with a pretty nice buzz to my other friends for my monthly girls poker night. It was there that I felt my 3rd chakra rear it's ugly head. It wasn't big deal but in hindsight it bothered me a bit. I was just feeling really jolly and lighthearted and I was cracking a few jokes but in hindsight I realized that my "jokes" were not funny, at least to the person I was making them towards. My friend monica's place is always totally neat and this time it was kind of messy when i arrived so I said "Damn, you let you place do to shit"... Obviously I was joking and I had no malintent with this comment but i think it hurt her feeling or something a little... Anyway, I realized that regardless if I was joking it wasn't very nice, ect and I shouldn't be making jokes at the expense of others... It's a small thing but later that night i just kept think about why where is came from because I have been trying to let go of some of my sarcastic tendencies. I decide what it had something to do with my 3rd chakra and that maybe my renewed sense of confidence in myself went a bit to my head and I reverted slightly back into the person I used to be. Basically that i can say whatever I want and if people can't take a joke then it's their problem...

Anyway, this is kind of a random rambling post with too many little stories wrapped up in 1 so I will summarize this post here:

Lynn is feeling great about where things are headed but I need to stay balanced and not let my renewed sense of confidence go to my head and fuel my 3rd chakra in a negative way...

Next up, heart chakra, this one is gonna be a dosie! uggg...

This Week

So I am having kind of a frustrating week. Not a bad week persay, but a frustrating one. I keep getting hit with realization after realization and it is kind of overwhelming!

I just so damn hard on myself! Realistically I have made momentous changes in my life in the past year but it doesn't seem like enough. I have a clear (but general) vision of where I want to go, what i want to do, and the type of person I want to be. The problem is, I want it now! In the past everything been very easy for me. I have accomplished great things with out too much effort on my part. In hindsight, i think it was because the skills I have that made me a success in my life and chosen field are skills that have been cultivated over many years.

Now I am making changes. The new skills/ideas/vision I have (or am acquiring) are not cultivated. That's why I have fear and doubt, not because my vision is stupid or a rip off, but because I haven't allowed myself to grow into it yet. I need to slow down, be the ocean and flow. I have to accept that I am not going to "make my mark" at 30. In terms of numerology, I am in a personal 1 year (and a pinnacle change year). I am planting seeds, they need time to grow.

I need to give myself more time and patience. If I give myself that, I think what seems difficult now will soon feel easy, just like everything else i have done in the past. AND if it doesn't seem to become easier, then I still know I'm on the right path because nothing worth doing should be easy. Being the absolute best me shouldn't be something i can grow into in a year... patience grasshopper. Your time will come. To think it won't goes against everything you know in your heart....

Opening the heart

Wow, I haven't updated in a while! I will start by saying it is 12:55, I got to work at 9am but I haven't done any work yet. Oops!

Anyway, ok, what have up been up to this month? LOTS! So on my last post I talked about the tarot deck and how I was about to go on that retreat. I will start by saying that that reading was right on! Like scary on! I've done other reading on myself since then but none of them made as much sense as that one did. I think it is prob because most of the questions I have been asking have been pretty mundane and/or future based. The 1st one was def one I “needed to hear"... I also think I asked the right question!

As for the retreat itself, it was amazing and eye opening. I really think I get "why I am here", "who I am", and "what is the meaning of life". The problem is that the answer is so strange and esoteric that I can't really talk about it with many people because they will most certainly think I'm a little nuts... I guess that's ok tho. The important think is that I take what I think I know, but know I can never comprehend, and integrate it into my everyday life.

So how am I doing this you ask? Most importantly, I am trying to meditate everyday. I'm not necessarily in the groove yet but I notice that I def feel really great on days that I do so it's only a matter of time until I make it a daily priority. I am also trying really hard to open parts of myself up that seemed blocked. This month my focus is my heart chakra... While on this retreat I became very aware of the fact that I am not letting myself give and receive love all the time. This isn’t anything new, it has been a part of me all my life but I just didn't know it. I went through a brief time the beginning of this year where my heart opened a lot and I was def experiencing a whole new level of "love"... I think now that level has become normal though and upon seeing what is truly available in me, I know I still have more work to do. In fact, many signs have pointed to this fact! A few months a go a took a personality test (enneagram). http://www.eclecticenergies.com/ I'm a type 3 (even though at 1st I wouldn't accept it as mine, I thought I was a 7) and it turns out that people of this personality type often need to work on their heart on sacral chakra (turns out the heart chakra is also one that needs to be worked on by 7's). It says:

As Threes get absorbed in the pursuit of validation and success, they tend to cut themselves off from the true desires of the heart. They may even deceive themselves about how they really feel. Working with the Heart chakra helps Threes become more compassionate and sensitive to both themselves and others.

and

In addition to repressing emotions, Threes sometimes develop a fear of true intimacy. They fear intimacy because they worry that others are attracted to them for the images they project, not for themselves. Or, sometimes, they so identify with their images that they even become afraid of their true feelings and begin to ignore them. As they ignore their feelings, they become increasingly alienated from themselves. Strengthening the Sacral chakra can help Threes feel more capable of dealing with intimacy and the feelings that it arouses.

ummm, yeah, these are both true for me... So after I read these I started working on my chakras but didn't do a lot with my heart because around this time was when I was just experiencing the new level of love I talked about earlier so I kind of ignored it. It was only at the retreat that I realized how closed my heart still is. Then last week on Thursday I went to this Rieki Level 1 attunement. Before the attunement she gave each of a quick little session. When she approached me and did her thing and the 1st thing she said is "Wow, you don't have any shields, you are fully open to experiencing you're true self" (that isn’t the same as saying I am totally capable at this point, it made me feel like my work is paying off though, I thinking being open is the 1st step). Then she said "you have some work to do on your heart chakra"... I said "I know, I just started working on it this week"... Then on Friday, ay my Nia class, there was a flyer for a book release on enneagram and I started talking to one of the girls about it. Then the teacher said "why don't you come in back and help me with the towels and we can chat about it more". While we were chatting I brought up the website above and mentioned how I was working on some of the chakras associated with the 3. She says "I can read them if you want", I said ok... she started chanting/mediating and then she said, “you have something I have to smudge on your right shoulder” (I still don't know what it was) but when all was said and done she told me my heart and sacral chakra needed work (and that I still had some dark spots on my root)... I was glad to have this exchange with Dina, I have been going to her class for over a month and have been trying to get a scene of her. After our exchange she said “Thank you for letting me in” and I said “no problem”. In the past I have always wanted people to “Let me in 1st” but I have finally realized that I can’t expect that from anyone. If I want to be let in I have to start with myself, I have to be The Fool and let others respond to my openness instead of we waiting for them to open up so I can respond.

Anyway, I guess that's my update for now... I feel like this post is kind of random and incoherent but that's ok. The point is, I am working on my heart! I bought some nice "Love" incense and some rose quarts to hold while I meditate, and I have been doing little clockwise reiki circles around my heart. I'll let you know if the coming weeks if I experience anything cool because of it!

My 1st self tarot reading

Wow, so today I decided to buy a tarot deck BUT not a normal deck, I chose the Osho Zen Tarot deck. It is different from regular tarot in that is isn't focused on past or future. It is focused on what is happening NOW in the present. The book says:

"Obviously you can ask the tarot what you like, although it is in fact a vehicle for exposing what you know. Any card drawn in response to an issue is a direct reflection of what you are unable or unwilling to recognize at the time"

For me it was pretty profound and slightly emotional and I have a feeling I am going to have a very intense weekend... I'm going to an "Enlightenment Intensive" in the woods... I know, crazy... enough said. Anyway, back to my reading:

These cards roughly correspond to card in a regular tarot deck, but not really. Who knows maybe if I knew more about regular tarot maybe I would be able to draw more conclusions. Anyway, I'm going to share my reading and I'll put in parenthesis the corresponding card but just remember, they aren’t really the same....

OK, I did a Diamond spread, a simple 5 card spread. The cards mean the following
1) The Issue
2) Internal influences you are unable to see
3) External Influence which you are aware of
4) What is needed for resolution?
5) Resolution: Understanding

Before I tell me question I need to give a little background. Back in December there were a series of events tat led to this "awakening" of sorts. The best way to describe it is for about a month and a half I was walking around in this state of pure happiness all the time. I can't really describe it other than to say I loved everyone and everything and I though everything was perfect and beautiful... and I FELT it, I can’t describe but it was amazing and I want it back! It’s not that everything is bad now, and I still want to love everyone and everything, but I just don’t FEEL like I did before. Anyway, here was my question:

Q: How do I get back to the "Happy place" I was a few months ago.

So I shuffle shuffle shuffle, cut cut cut, spread spread spread and randomly pick 5 cards from all different placed in the spread. Here's my answer... stuff I know I know but man, it was laid out so clearly... strange, cool, scary, and amazing all at the same time

1) The Issue = XVI-Thunderbolt (tower): “The card shows a tower being burned, destroyed, and blown apart. A man and a woman are leaping from it not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent, meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness......but this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important...if you allow it, you will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences”

Wow - very true... The series of events that led to my last "awakening" was like a thunderbolt. It was hard, very hard. I watch myself as I knew myself desinagrate away. Even though I know I came out a better person I really would rather not do it again... but I know there is more.. Of what you ask? I don't know! All I know is I was talking to a friend last week and I was describing "my mountain" that I’m climbing. Instead of a steady incline mine seems to be full of plateaus and cliffs that I have to claw my way up. I know I am at the bottom of another cliff and the only way for me to get higher on the mountain is to work hard and claw my way up... let myself get hit by another thunderbolt. Shit, that sucks!

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2) Internal Influences = Ice-Olation (3 cups): “In our society, men in particular have been taught not to cry, to put a brave face on things when they get hurt and not show that they are in pain. But women can fall into this trap too, and all of us at one time or another might feel that the only way to survive is to close off our feelings and emotions so we can't be hurt again. If our pain is particularly deep, we might even try to hide it from ourselves. This can make us frozen, rigid, because deep down we know that one small break in the ice will free the hurt to start circulating through us again. The rainbow-colored tears on this person's face hold the key to breaking out of this 'ice-olation'. The tears, and only the tears, have the power to melt the ice. It's okay to cry, and there is no reason to feel ashamed of your tears. Crying helps us to let go of pain, allows us to be gentle with ourselves, and finally helps us to heal.”

Again, wow - This is a thought I have been thinking about lately. I know I have a small problem, hell, maybe it is a big problem. I can't cry around people. I mean I can but I try as hard as I can not to and if I do I 1) completely shut down 2) I change the subject or 3) run, get the hell away before people catch me! I don't know why but I know I need to figure it out. I need to be vulnerable, I just don't know how too! It seems so scary to me! Why? Fuck if I know, are people gonna laugh at me if I cry, no. Are people gonna not be my friend if I cry, no. Are people going to thing I am weak if I cry? Maybe... I don't want that... I will say tho, I cried a little when I got this card... shit, ok, if I feel like I am going to cry this weekend I just will... This is very bad timing because I just happen to be entering he dreaded PMS, I cry expotenatlly more around this time of the month!

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3) External Influences = XI-Breakthrough (Justice): “The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination. All of us occasionally reach a point when 'enough is enough'. At such times it seems we must do something.......if you are now feeling that....allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from”

Yes, enough is enough, April sucked and I entered May telling myself that I am ready to move forward. Hence the enlightenment intensive... I also did a reiki session and bought this deck... am I fluffy or what!

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4) What's needed for resolution = III-Creativity ( the empress): “From the alchemy of fire and water below to the divine light entering from above, the figure in this card is literally ""possessed by" the creative force. Really, the experience of creativity is an entrance into the mysterious. Technique, expertise, and knowledge are just tools; the key is to abandon all oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things. This energy has no form or structure, yet all forms and structures come out of it. It make no difference what particular form your creativity takes, the important thing is to be open to what is expressed through you. Remember that we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing for others.”

Double wow - I was pretty happy when I saw this card even before I know what it meant. Got a few tears as I was reading about it. I recently started taking Nia classes which is Dance with a twist, the mind body connection. I LOVE it so much but I do know I am thinking a little to much. I decided yesterday in fact that I am going to start turning away from the mirror and see what happens. I have my moments in the class when I stop thinking and just move and I get that blissful feeling I’m looking for. Last class I hit that spot and after the song was over I had tears... of joy of course! Yay for Nia... Oh, I LOVE taking picture too, it’s my new thing. It is so relaxing. The lens can capture the beauty in things we miss out in the real world. I took an amazing picture of a pile of dirt the other day! WAIT, if this is what is needed is this also what the 1st 3 cards refer to? Do I need to cry/breakthrough with/through creativity? Does it all have to do with creativity or should I say to I make these steps through creativity only, not through a weekend in the woods? I’m confused. If you know leave a comment…

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5) Resolution, the understanding = V No-Thingness (The Hierophant): “Being "in the gap" can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might lie ahead. But it was just this state of pure potential that existed before the universe was created. All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.”

First, this card is just a black square... anyway, yes, I know this. I def feel like I am "in the gap". I also know that all I can do is just BE in the gap. I know I need to breathe more, be more present... I KNOW this is the way to get to the "happy place". In fact, that is exactly why I signed up for the intensive and Nia. I know WHAT to do but I’m not quiet sure, HOW to do it, all the time anyway.

So that's it, another set of crazy coincidences. Things I already know laid out for me on paper for reassurance. Just when I need the reassurance. I think I am gonna like these cards!

My message

Someone recent told me that i have a message to spread and that i know what it it... this is true... unfortunately i am bad with word so I am going to copy it form a author i am obsessed with, Eckhart Tolle, from The Power of Now:

YOU ARE NOT YOUR MIND

The Greatest Obstacle to Enlightenment

Enlightenment - what is that?

A beggar had been sitting by the side of a road for over thirty years. One day a stranger walked by. "Spare some change?" mumbled the beggar, mechanically holding out his old baseball cap. "I have nothing to give you," said the stranger. Then he asked: "What's that you are sitting on?" "Nothing," replied the beggar. "Just an old box. I have been sitting on it for as long as I can remember." "Ever looked inside?" asked the stranger. "No," said the beggar. "What's the point? There's nothing in there." "Have a look inside," insisted the stranger. The beggar managed to pry open the lid. With astonishment, disbelief, and elation, he saw that the box was filled with gold.

I am that stranger who has nothing to give you and who is telling you to look inside. Not inside any box, as in the parable, but somewhere even closer: inside yourself.

"But I am not a beggar," I can hear you say.

Those who have not found their true wealth, which is the radiant joy of Being and the deep, unshakable peace that comes with it, are beggars, even if they have great material wealth. They are looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love, while they have a treasure within that not only includes all those things but is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.

The word enlightenment conjures up the idea of some super-human accomplishment, and the ego likes to keep it that way, but it is simply your natural state of felt oneness with Being. It is a state of connectedness with something immeasurable and indestructible, something that, almost paradoxically, is essentially you and yet is much greater than you. It is finding your true nature beyond name and form. The inability to feel this connectedness gives rise to the illusion of separation, from yourself and from the world around you. You then perceive yourself, consciously or unconsciously, as an isolated fragment. Fear arises, and conflict within and without becomes the norm.

I love the Buddha's simple definition of enlightenment as "the end of suffering." There is nothing superhuman in that, is there? Of course, as a definition, it is incomplete. It only tells you what enlightenment is not: no suffering. But what's left when there is no more suffering? The Buddha is silent on that, and his silence implies that you'll have to find out for yourself. He uses a negative definition so that the mind cannot make it into something to believe in or into a superhuman accomplishment, a goal that is impossible for you to attain. Despite this precaution, the majority of Buddhists still believe that enlightenment is for the Buddha, not for them, at least not in this lifetime.

Being is the eternal, ever-present One Life beyond the myriad forms of life that are subject to birth and death. However, Being is not only beyond but also deep within every form as its innermost invisible and indestructible essence. This means that it is accessible to you now as your own deepest self, your true nature. But don't seek to grasp it with your mind. Don't try to understand it. You can know it only when the mind is still. When you are present, when your attention is fully and intensely in the Now, Being can be felt, but it can never be understood mentally. To regain awareness of Being and to abide in that state of "feeling-realization" is enlightenment.
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Pretty great huh? I feel like i have reach a state of enlightenment... unfortunately, i am not Buddha so I'm not yet capable of holding it forever... I will most likely wonder around around in a state of bliss and wonderment for a few days and then i will get sucked back into the hustle and bustle of the "real world"... luckily, i have figure out how to access it when every i need to which is a pretty cool realization... and i think in time, with work i will be able to keep it.. i just need to "be within" all the time... i can do it and so can you. Open the box and see what's inside.!

If you find this post interesting I urge you to check out some of Eckhart Tolle's books. I picked up "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" almost exactly a year ago and it changed my life, 100% for the better (and life was pretty great before!). Do you ever feel that you are wondering around in fog, waiting for the the next great thing to happen? When the kids grow up i can do this, when i am done with school i can do that, after i take a vacation things will feel better. If you have a sense that "there is more to life" you are right, there is. It is only something that can be found from within. It is only something that can be found right Now, in this moment. It won't be found in the future, because there is no future really. When the future arrives i just becomes Now. It's nothing from the past, because when the past occurred it also was just Now. Anyway, this book is def worth a read. If it doesn't change your life then what did you lose? Only about $12. If it does impact you , you will discover something must better than you can imagine! A sense of true enlightenment! True unadulterated Peace, Joy, and Love! Who wouldn't want that!

trying my hand at something new... just for fun

ok, I'm was walking down the street and a little ditty popped in my head... guess I'm trying my hand at song lyrics... they are rhyme-ie and juvenile but that's all i got right now!

Look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
and they were all yellow

WAIT, that one's taken isn't it... ok how about this...

Look up at the sky
the stars are bright tonight
I can never get enough of such a breathtaking sight

The winter moon is new
and the clouds are unseasonably few

He's pulling me along,
as i ponder this very song
all I hear is the crunching of my feet
as they crush the pavement on the street

Look up at the sky
the stars are bright tonight
I can never get enough of such a breathtaking sight

They send vision of grandeur like daggers to my brain
All i can do is wonder if i could possibly be going insane

Visions of he an I, and you and i and him and you, the collective us
All the thing we all can be and do if we just remain conscious

Look up at the sky
the stars are bright tonight
I can never get enough of such a breathtaking sight

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So what? I'm like Bono huh? Just kidding :) Maybe I'll add to it another time when something comes to me. For now, I must shower! Zumba class went extra well today. I think i had almost 10 people. Also, i added 2 new dances and that made all the difference in the world. Variety really is the spice of life!

Zumba Update

OK, so I never heard back from Jim-Bo. That's ok. When I went to meet with him I had a long chat then I showed him my stuff. I could tell he was impressed with my skilz but he expressed concern about the fact that I had (at the time) never taught a single Zumba class. I can't say I blame him. Anyway, the good news is that it seem that he didn't pick any of the Zumba instructors at all. He put in a pilates class... wow, a pilates class in Seattle, how original! So whatev, I'm slightly relieved because I didn't really feel ready and I also have a new development that seems to be taking some of my time... i will save that blog for a later date.

I also have some good Zumba news too! I have officially taught 2 weeks of Zumba classes and they are going great! I had the class fill out comment cards after class 1 and I got responses like "best class ever", "thank you for making us all feel comfortable", and "can't wait for the next class".

I am secretly worried that the class might be a little boring but my friend who takes it assured me that I am mostly likely just grossly overestimating the dance abilities of the students. That's good for me because I can just do the same routines the next few weeks so they can "perfect them" and I don't have to do any outside work. Yeay!

Dance - The language that evryone speaks!

I first saw this video about 4 months ago and just thought of it again. It's so great. Every time I watch it I get a little tear! In a good way!



There is a HD version on youtube.

Music

Do you guys ever hear a song and fell like it was written jsut for you? It happens to me ALL THE TIME! Esp lately. But there is a new song that I feel esp strongly about. It's SO good. Human by The Killers. Lyrics and a URL to the video (video is worth a watch):

I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind

And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes, clear your heart
Cut the cord

Are we human or are we dancers?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancers?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could

And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye, wish me well
You've gotta let me go

Are we human or are we dancers?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancers?

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know, is your heart still beating?

Are we human or are we dancers?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

You've gotta let me know
Are we human or are we dancers?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancers?

Are we human or are we dancers?
Are we human or are we dancers?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d97XFGR_IP0


Isn't that awesome? Do any of you have a song?

I'm so excited...

I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so... so... scared!

Ok, not really, I can just never say "I'm so excited" without thinking of the Saved by the bell episode where Jessi Spano takes too many caffeine pills can totally flips out while dancing around to that song. You know you've seen it and you know you think it's funny... I know there was supposed to be an important lesson to that episode but I never got it, i always just thought it was hilarious... If you haven't seen it, here it is... ok maybe it's not as funny as it used to be...



Anyway, yes, I am excited. Here is why. I have secretly been plotting my future. I plan on eventually getting out of engineering but I realized that I can nor necessarily want to do right now. However, I decided I need to start dancing again, in addition to taking classes I decided I wanted to teach again but being that I don't have a "degree" in it or anything I decided a good place to start was to start teaching a dance aerobics class at my gym. I had been thinking about this for months but didn't really know a way to approach the gym owner. Could i really just walk up and say "Hey, i used to dance, can I start teaching a hip-hop class". I felt i couldn't so I didn't. Anyway then one day I found out about Zumba, it's a "Latin Dance Fitness" craze. On a whim decided I was just going to be come an instructor. I talked to my gym owner and he was super excited about me starting a Zumba class so I paid my 200 for the 8 hour training even though I had never taken a Zumba class.

The training was awesome and realized that this is going to be big. People are gonna love Zumba. I was planning that once I had a few months instructing at my gym I could find a space to rent and get a class doing on a "drop in basis". There is actually a decent amount of money in that, one coudl make $100-$200/hour depending on the class size. I was planning this for late spring/summer.

Apparently this is happening soon than I thought! I got a random e-mail today from a guy, Jim... It said:

Hi Lynn, We are seeking a Zumba instructor to teach at our new studio, please contact me ASAP if you are interested, currently we still some primie evening hrs open. 1600sqft in Belltown Seattle. Our New studio is located at a very upscale street level of Centennial Towers (corner of 4th and Vine St), we have high ceiling lots of windows, laminate floating floor, 2 walls of mirrors, sound system, I'm seeking solid instructors who has very positive energy, not only know how to motivate the students but know how to market their own classes as well. You may rent our studio by the hour or by commission.

How cool is that? I don't have to do any work! I don't have to find a space or anything AND because the studio will already have a client base, I will have to do a lot less marketing than I would have to plan if it was just me! The thing I like most is his description of what he is looking for in an instructor. When i was taking the "master class" during the training all these ideas came in to my head. I knew that I had to make my class more than just an aerobics class. My class needs to ultra fun, positive and motivational. I e-mailed him back, in part, this:

I have recently gone through some transitions in my life and I am striving on positive energy. I want my class to be a place where people come to enjoy themselves for an hour. In the studio, I want them to feel perfect, even if just for 1 hour and my hope is that eventually they will carry that feeling out into the world. I want them to jiggle what they don't like jigging and shake what they normally wont shake and feel good about it! We both know zumba is an amazing work out but I want weigh loss to be secondary, I want fun and positive self image to be my primary focus!

So yeah, this will be a perfect fit. Hopefully it will work out but if not, whatev, I just go back to my original plan! What's even more exited is that this is actually a dance studio not a gym. Things are def heading in a certain direction!

Yippy! I'll keep you posted!

Talk to ya all later!

UPDATE: I'm meeting with Jim-bo Saturday at 6 to "show him what i got", I will prob have some competition for the time slots... wish me luck!

What is a soul mate?

Interesting question. I always thought it was "the love of your life"... you know, the person you meet who makes you feel complete, yadda yadda yadda. Well, I'm reading a book that describe a soul mate in a complete different way and I find it really interesting, and prob true... But 1st, here is what wikipedia says about soul mates:

Soul mate is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility.

This is pretty close to what I previously thought. Here is my new thought:

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person that shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave"

Isn't that cool? Now, I disagree with the last part, I don't think that in all cases they leave, maybe sometimes they stick around forever... and if i believe this definition then it implies that someone may be my soul mate but I may not be theirs, and vice versa, AND maybe we can have more than 1 soul mate in our lifetime.

So, based on my new definition of soul mate, I think I have met one of mine! An e-mail that sat starred in my inbox for almost exactly a year entitled "We were so meant to be friends". Did you know something i didn't yet know? Is it possible that i know something that someone else may not yet know?

What you said to me last week at the bar "I like you so much better now"... I knew exactly what you meant, and my 1st though was "I like myself so much better too!"... but that's not what I said is it? Oh comical defense mechanism, i let you stick around little longer... Now you know tho!

I like free stuff

apparently posting this will give me access to something for free

I'm evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they're letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

It covers:

• The best blogging techniques.
• How to get traffic to your blog.
• How to turn your blog into money.

I'll let you know what I think once I've had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it's still free.

The Ulitmate Disease: The Human condition

Oh sleepless nights, I hate you. I woke up at 4:30 with these thoughts and one hour later, 20 mins before I need to get anyway I decided I might as well type them out. Thank you Linz... I mean Hippy Riversong, for the chat last night, you help solidify what I already knew!

The human condition, what the hell is wrong with us? Why are we so afraid to connect to people, why am I so afraid dot connect with people, sometimes on even the shallowest of levels. We walk down the streets with our heads down, we sit in coffee shop to be "social" but we bury out heads in laptops, ipods, and books. We stay at home and blame it on the crappy weather. We don't smile at strangers because we are afraid they will think think we want something from them. People don't like friends stopping by unannounced because they don't want to be caught off guard, with their house messy, them unshowered, exposed as the "imperfect" selves they feel themselves to be.

It all started in the garden of Eden (metaphorically speaking). There was a time when humans stood around naked dancing in fields of flowers, now not only does society require us to cover ourselves with clothes but it also requires us to cover our inner selves with a mask because if we are too connected with people it makes us strange. We can't just be Love and compassion, vulnerable. We have to Be a doctor, a mechanic, a stay at home mom, a barista in a pretentious "Artist" coffee shop. The apple is the human condition, the apple is fear, judgment, and shame. I don't want that apple anymore.

I KNOW i am connected to everyone, and now I want to let myself feel connected to everyone... and I know i can't be. I can't really be connected to people overcome by the human condition... they will just pass part of their disease back onto me... so now I am on a quest to find as many disease free people as possible... or at least people less infected and/or taking pills to cure it... If you are one of these people I want to know you!

Boys are dumb

Seriously, you know you are... or is it us women that are dumb! Why do I allow my brain to drive me completely insane trying to figure you out! Why do I create totally fictitious scenarios in my head about you? Us women pretend we don't understand you (and many don't). We say that your sending us "mixed messages" but your not. For you, no message is the clearest message you can send. I get it and will except it. Move on.. Aye yai yai!

BUT WAIT!! HOLD THE PHONE! WHAT IF no message doesn't mean anything? Did i just create a fictitious scenario? I saw your green light was on... maybe you just didn't see mine was on too... maybe you were just "too busy" to e-mail me back, then "too busy" to text me back, and then AGAIN "too busy" to notice my green light was on. Get real Lynn... no body is that busy, back to the drawing board... again... shesh. ;-) Reading between the lines is so tiresome ain't it? Can I get a hells yeah!

Ladies, if he is "too busy" he's "Just not that into you" Right boys? I need to hear it from the horses mouth!

Now watch, tomorrow I'll hear from you and wonder why yesterday I drove myself crazy for no reason at all! BUT then you'll read my blog and think I'm a complete whack job and then you really will be "too busy". :-) But 1st, it's poker ladies poker night, NO BOYS ALLOWED! Thank god!

Peace out!

Why we drink at bars

So I was out in Fremont last night and I will start by saying I had a blast BUT only because my friends are cool and OBVIOUSLY because the whole night all the bar played was Prince and Micheal Jackson! Throughout the night I kept noticing that the majority of the people the I was surround by (not my friends just other randoms)were totally oblivious to themselves and the vibe the sent out to strangers(and the universe). Obviously the only possible way I could be in the same building with these people for an extended amount of time would be to dull my senses right? That's why we drink at bars. To dull our senses so we don't notice how douchy so many people are!

Dear friends: Thank you for not being douchy...

My 1st Post

Wow, I have a blog! I can't believe it! I also can't believe how easy it was! Technology is cool.

So now what, I feel like i need to make some profound statement... but what? Maybe instead I should just state the purpose of my blog! Wait, I don't know the answer to that either! I think the purpose it just to have a sounding board. So many wonderful and random things have been happening in my life lately and I want to record them, and if someone wants to read about it great, if not (which is what I expect), that's great too. I expect this blog will be end up being an interesting mix of off the wall humor and some of my deepest, most profound (to me anyway) realization about life!

30 years as an independent free thinker has taught me a lot. I've spent the last 10 years of my life pursuing and achieving (and having loads of fun, lots of laughing) but I have realized that I was forgetting something that is very important, maybe the most important thing of all, Loving!

What does that mean you ask? Well, it's hard to explain. I have always had (and continue to have) a wonderful family who would give me the world if they could (and I would do the same for them if I could), I have always had (and continue to have) friends who would give me the shirts off their backs, they have promised I would be the last person they would eat if we were ever stranded w/out food, and in return I would eat them last as well! I know my friends and family love me and I have always loved them. I know for a fact I am, and always have been, a person that people can always count on, so how could I have been missing Love?

Well, I finally realized where real love comes from. I was lacking unconditional love for myself. No no no, I was never depressed and unhappy or anything. I never felt like I was missing something. 95% of my life I've felt on top of the world BUT I felt on top of the world because I was always getting and achieving things that I set out to get and achieve. And receiving much praise for my achievements. Then, one day I was sitting in my beautiful new conversion condo in the heart of Fremont, paid for with $ from my high paying dream job, prob right after a party with all my wonderfully awesome friends, and I though to myself "now what"... I had everything I had set out to get and all of a sudden I felt empty because something was still missing. At first I though it was a guy, someone to love, and in a sense it was. But, I had a clear realization that life had given me many many opportunities to love someone and for whatever reason I always found a reason to sabotage it. He's not this, he's not that. More 1st dates than I can count and rarely ever a desire to bother with a 2nd. I had set my expectations and standards so high that there was no possible way that a mortal man would be able to meet them. So, why did I do that? Because I was trying to get again, trying to get the perfect guy... to fill me up and make me bettER... My guy is hottER than yours, my guy is richER than yours, my guy is funniER (not a word, I know) than yours... I never said these things to myself, or even though them, but in hindsight that's what my actions were trying to say. We all want to be bettER, thinnER, richER, fullER, smartER.

So what's changed? Well, I stopped trying to be and get more. I am no longer trying to be be anything "ER" than I already I am. Because I am perfect! In addition, I have no more expectations that my potential mate should "enhance my life's resume" if you will. And what happened as soon as I did that? I experienced Love! Love of myself, love of life, love of everyone I know. My heart constantly feels ready to burst at any moment and I LOVE it! It may seem strange that I have never know what this felt like before but there is a time for everything and my time wasn't until now. Yay!

ok, that was my 1st blog. What do you think? No wait, don't tell me. It's perfect, that's all it can be... Thank for reading. Check ya later!