My 1st Post

Wow, I have a blog! I can't believe it! I also can't believe how easy it was! Technology is cool.

So now what, I feel like i need to make some profound statement... but what? Maybe instead I should just state the purpose of my blog! Wait, I don't know the answer to that either! I think the purpose it just to have a sounding board. So many wonderful and random things have been happening in my life lately and I want to record them, and if someone wants to read about it great, if not (which is what I expect), that's great too. I expect this blog will be end up being an interesting mix of off the wall humor and some of my deepest, most profound (to me anyway) realization about life!

30 years as an independent free thinker has taught me a lot. I've spent the last 10 years of my life pursuing and achieving (and having loads of fun, lots of laughing) but I have realized that I was forgetting something that is very important, maybe the most important thing of all, Loving!

What does that mean you ask? Well, it's hard to explain. I have always had (and continue to have) a wonderful family who would give me the world if they could (and I would do the same for them if I could), I have always had (and continue to have) friends who would give me the shirts off their backs, they have promised I would be the last person they would eat if we were ever stranded w/out food, and in return I would eat them last as well! I know my friends and family love me and I have always loved them. I know for a fact I am, and always have been, a person that people can always count on, so how could I have been missing Love?

Well, I finally realized where real love comes from. I was lacking unconditional love for myself. No no no, I was never depressed and unhappy or anything. I never felt like I was missing something. 95% of my life I've felt on top of the world BUT I felt on top of the world because I was always getting and achieving things that I set out to get and achieve. And receiving much praise for my achievements. Then, one day I was sitting in my beautiful new conversion condo in the heart of Fremont, paid for with $ from my high paying dream job, prob right after a party with all my wonderfully awesome friends, and I though to myself "now what"... I had everything I had set out to get and all of a sudden I felt empty because something was still missing. At first I though it was a guy, someone to love, and in a sense it was. But, I had a clear realization that life had given me many many opportunities to love someone and for whatever reason I always found a reason to sabotage it. He's not this, he's not that. More 1st dates than I can count and rarely ever a desire to bother with a 2nd. I had set my expectations and standards so high that there was no possible way that a mortal man would be able to meet them. So, why did I do that? Because I was trying to get again, trying to get the perfect guy... to fill me up and make me bettER... My guy is hottER than yours, my guy is richER than yours, my guy is funniER (not a word, I know) than yours... I never said these things to myself, or even though them, but in hindsight that's what my actions were trying to say. We all want to be bettER, thinnER, richER, fullER, smartER.

So what's changed? Well, I stopped trying to be and get more. I am no longer trying to be be anything "ER" than I already I am. Because I am perfect! In addition, I have no more expectations that my potential mate should "enhance my life's resume" if you will. And what happened as soon as I did that? I experienced Love! Love of myself, love of life, love of everyone I know. My heart constantly feels ready to burst at any moment and I LOVE it! It may seem strange that I have never know what this felt like before but there is a time for everything and my time wasn't until now. Yay!

ok, that was my 1st blog. What do you think? No wait, don't tell me. It's perfect, that's all it can be... Thank for reading. Check ya later!